Sticking It To Your Mother

Pictured is Yours Truly enjoying a bottle of MADD non-alcoholic Chardonnay. But it isn't just any non-alcoholic wine! In fact, it isn't non-alcoholic at all! Inside this waste of ten dollars, I also mixed in sambuca.

Seriously, who drinks this stuff by itself? I'm dying to know, and so are the people at the grocery store I found it in. Apparently I'm the only one who's bought it in my town, because when the girl at the check-in saw it, first she thought it was a bottle of olive oil, then she thought it was real wine, then she stopped to carefully read the label, then I had to spin a story of what I intended to do with the non-alcoholic wine before she laughed me out of the building.

I don't have a vendetta against MADD, though I have written several essays against them in high school. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're bad, but they're certainly unnecessary. The people who are into MADD's plight are people who wouldn't tolerate drinking and/or driving in the first place, and the people who aren't are well... they aren't going to listen to reason, they're drunk! MADD's basically nothing more than a pretentious circlejerk that has ultimately accomplished nothing, and therefore has become a shameless cash-grab for its benefactors. Kind of like PETA, except they never killed anyone(?). Therefore: Cheers, and fuck you, MADD.

(Yes, wine mixed with Sambuca tastes like shit.)

EDIT: No, I didn't drive after.