2fast4u

I didn't know 31 minutes to finish No Mercy was speedrunning

Quick & Painless Reviews: Deadpool

I liked Deadpool before it was cool. In Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II, I rocked a Deadpool skin about 50% of the time. But I have no problem admitting he's a fad anti-hero. He's done nothing more than crack one or two great lines occasionally, which are surrounded by a barrage of other 6/10 jokes and fourth wall breaks. Just enough to get by as long as he's almost constantly killing something. Guess what doesn't happen in this movie?

Overhyped for an understandably budget Marvel film. Hopefully this leads to a good sequel what isn't 50% unfunny origin story filler, and 50% mediocre fights against nobody mooks serving a nobody villian.

Too Far Up My Own Ass To Not Screencap This

iankfsb

Please send help!!

Let's have a look at his Steam profile:

Space Beast Terror Fright

Since Steam wouldn't give me a refund for Firewatch, I tried to at least record a second playthrough of it to put up, but the video was choppy as hell and it didn't record the audio despite that the test clip that I recorded right before turned out fine... Two and a half hours wasted, woo.

Instead, here's some videos of me playing a few rounds of a much better game.

Quick & Painless Reviews: Firewatch

I have nothing against "walking simulators". You can see that I've played, reviewed, and made screenshot blogs out of a few major ones over the last few years. And eagerly I waited two of those fucking years for this one to come out.

For months, I even had a modified version of this painting as my wallpaper. 

This one offers an empty experience derivative of The Vanishing of Ethan Carter, with (admittedly decent) banter between two main characters that goes nowhere in a game that manages to barely be four hours tops despite taking place in an open national park setting. The setting, it turns out, is mostly just padding. There's little to explore except for the obvious landmarks the developers left for you; nothing extra that you find or do will affect or flesh out the story in any way; and the game is uglier than Ethan Carter, so there isn't much worth looking at either.

I get up to more in a five hour shift at my real summer park job. I mad.

5/20




(that's the amount in dollars that you should consider paying instead of the full price of $20, in case you weren't catching on)

Old Whiteboard Art

A Coopersville portrait I made on the whiteboard of a limousine booking office like four years ago. Apparently it's still there today, since a friend just took a picture of it and sent it to me. I'd like to give a big shout out to the funny fuck who rubbed their finger across the whole thing.

Huh.

Getting Back Into It

IndridCold and I got back into COD4. We used to be somewhere in the top 5% of players worldwide with our other friend Danny when we played it on the Xbox360. Now we're entering a whole new ball game and jumping into PC. Shitsux having to learn how to git gud again, and it won't even feel legitimate with all of the hacking going on, but if I belong anywhere in COD, it's here (and also Black Ops).

Once I get my good classes set up, things will start to get crazy again.
 
EDIT:

Two choppers!

Four choppers!! It's coming back to me baby!

Super Doom 64

Super Doom 64 adds Doom 64 textures and sprites to your normal Doom and Doom 2 wads. It looks cool, so I figured I'd use it while doing a Doom playthrough on Twitch.

For some reason, the video lags during the first level, but plays fine for the rest of the playthrough. E1M2 begins at 1:40.

Post-Professional Photography

Toilet Selfies

Those are a thing, right?

Paranoia 2: Savior Playthrough

I had to dink around with this video for like a week because the YouTube drones kept picking up some b-side atmospheric track from Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (the worst GiTS by a longshot tbhfam) during different parts of the footage every time I reuploaded it. Now it has a whole five minute chunk of audio that I muted just to be safe, but nothing really happens during that section of the video, so no big deal.

Anyway, I did my view-baiting with The Order: 1866; it sucked and didn't work, so I'm back to more original stuff. Paranoia is a very underrated horror FPS that came out like eight months ago. It's annoying how it can go from 300 fps to 13 because the game was basically duct taped together by a couple Russians, but outside of that the gunplay and atmosphere are very satisfying. If you don't want to play it, this is a very comfy playthrough to watch before bed or something. I've already watched it four times myself, and I almost never rewatch my videos, especially the long ones.

We A Foodie Blog Now

Instagram hipsters like to take photos of their fancy meals at restaurants? Well, I took a picture of the most embarrassing dinner I've had in probably two decades. Like, this is the stuff Europeans still get made fun of for eating.

Never Forget

Looking Pretty Good For Dead

Quick & Painless Reviews: Spectre

A James Bond film that's such a by-the-numbers parody of itself, that it can't be spoiled, but if you're sensitive about spoilers, maybe don't read this yet.

 Spectre is about an incompetent assassin who can't operate a vehicle for five minutes, or shoot a few people without completely demolishing everything. An absolute jokester that can't even play around with a mouse without pointing his gun at it and tearing the place down. A film with the message "spying is still cool!" that has absolutely no spying.

Featuring a villian who, guess what, was behind the whole Daniel Craig saga, starting from his character's adoption. Someone so dastardly, despite only getting about 20 minutes of screen time. Just enough time to give two small speeches, perform sinus and brain surgery to zero effect, get blown up by a watch, then have his helicopter shot down with a pistol. A final boss defeated in two hits.

At least they brought back Oddjob. I mean Jaws. I mean Bane?

Spectre is Daniel Craigs 'Tomorrow Never Dies', and probably the most disappointed I've been with a sequel since Terminator 3.

Quick & Painless Reviews: Life Is Strange

A five episode adventure epic released throughout the span of nine months, about a young woman who breaks space and time to... save a small town from a tornado.

Pirate it, and you'll still feel ripped off.

Quick & Painless Reviews: Blood Bowl 2

The game's awesome. Smashing weak humies and scaven has never felt so satisfying. Plus, now we have online league play and Cabal TV. And of course, my niggas Jim Johnson and Bob Bifford are back with fresh commentary.

I'm not one to normally appeal to authority when it comes to an argument, but this is a review, and I'm probably one of the highest authorities there are in the Blood Bowl gaming franchise. In the last five years, Risexual and I have easily accumulated at least 6000 hours of game time throughout Blood Bowl Legendary & Chaos Edition. Over those years, we pretty much lived and breathed the game, molding our senses of humor around what's basically one big inside joke based around Blood Bowl lore; we pretty much wrote the book on every strategy for every team, and we have never lost a single online match to an honest player. So, do yourself a favour by avoiding what one of the most uninformed and entitled communities in gaming have to say, and buy yourself a copy of this sports masterpiece, because I fucking told you to do it.

The 0wnage of Rogue-age

I used to be pretty much unstoppable at NF BGJ back when I played Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II on the daily. On the Internet back then (as in prior to 2005), people kept screenshot collections of their scores to help with their street cred, and if they were a big enough douche, they wrote some of their colourful commentary along side it. There isn't really much worth salvaging from my old GeoCities website, but these shots of my JK pages are a nice nostalgia trip.