Showing posts with label reviews. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reviews. Show all posts

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Quick & Painless Reviews: God of War

Apparently this is the best rated exclusive on the PS4 to date.


It's pretty good. I think I'd put GoW 3 above it due to how much more over-the-top it was. The initial boss fight with Baldur is probably the flashiest fight in the game; apart from one other giant boss, nothing really comes close. The ending is also kind of underwhelming. The last boss is pretty easy, and keeps you thinking there's something more, but it's just walking and cinematics from there on. It feels like I need to finish some side-quests to unlock a true ending, but who knows. Overall, the hype is a little too high. I'd say this game's closer to a 7.5/10. Despite the huge amount of effort you can tell the devs put into this game, the fun wavers, and it also drags on a bit too long with its multiple false endings. The combat's kind of lulzy too. If you min-max strength and just use the axe throw, you can cheese most of the fights throughout 60% of the game. I learned this from being way too stoned to do melee and parry during 4/20.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

AMD ReLive & No Mercy

A couple of days ago, AMD released its ReLive drivers which is basically their version of nVidia Shadowplay. I saw the claims on the page that it only caused a 3% drop in frames on average and dismissed it as too good to be true, but I saw a bunch of people praising it today, so I redownloaded my drivers to give it a try.

I've never tried Shadowplay, so I have no opinion on that, but here's a video that I recorded of me playing L4D2:



I used to be able to record L4D2 in OBS just fine like a year ago, but after it updated a couple of times, the game would still perform perfectly fine, but the videos would be a complete slideshow no matter what settings I had it on. So it's nice to that the game I had the most problems with recorded perfectly in the first attempt.

At 27 minutes in 720p the video was 1.87gb, which is about 3 times too large for a video that short imo. But that's considered around 'mediumn' quality in ReLive. I'll probably mess around with the bitrate and bring it down more until I start achieving decent file sizes.

Apparently it also has overlay options built in, so that you can set up a professional looking Twitch stream on the fly. Facecams and overlays aren't really my thing, but it'll be nice to look into if I ever decide on taking my Twitch channel more seriously.

Anyway, this has me a little excited, and I might start doing some more frequent streams again. Somehow I COMPLETELY forgot about Doom's birthday this year. I was planning on streaming a whole playthrough of Doom 3 or 4, so I might have to get around to that one soon.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Quick & Painless Reviews: Snowpiercer

A comic book film that isn't Marvel or DC.


A jagged red pill to swallow, both because of its grimdark dystopian themes, but also HOLY FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE ON THE IMDB MESSAGE BOARD ABYSMALLY STUPID.

Okay, what...

How did you get THAT from THIS?

I keep saying I'll never revisit movie-specific boards again in these reviews, but I just keep doing it.

It's an 8.5/10 movie guys, but you don't actually need me to tell you that. Just get out of here before this gets ugly.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Quick & Painless Reviews: Deadpool

I liked Deadpool before it was cool. In Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II, I rocked a Deadpool skin about 50% of the time. But I have no problem admitting he's a fad anti-hero. He's done nothing more than crack one or two great lines occasionally, which are surrounded by a barrage of other 6/10 jokes and fourth wall breaks. Just enough to get by as long as he's almost constantly killing something. Guess what doesn't happen in this movie?


Overhyped for an understandably budget Marvel film. Hopefully this leads to a good sequel what isn't 50% unfunny origin story filler, and 50% mediocre fights against nobody mooks serving a nobody villian.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Quick & Painless Reviews: Firewatch

I have nothing against "walking simulators". You can see that I've played, reviewed, and made screenshot blogs out of a few major ones over the last few years. And eagerly I waited two of those fucking years for this one to come out.

For months, I even had a modified version of this painting as my wallpaper. 

This one offers an empty experience derivative of The Vanishing of Ethan Carter, with (admittedly decent) banter between two main characters that goes nowhere in a game that manages to barely be four hours tops despite taking place in an open national park setting. The setting, it turns out, is mostly just padding. There's little to explore except for the obvious landmarks the developers left for you; nothing extra that you find or do will affect or flesh out the story in any way; and the game is uglier than Ethan Carter, so there isn't much worth looking at either.

I get up to more in a five hour shift at my real summer park job. I mad.

5/20




(that's the amount in dollars that you should consider paying instead of the full price of $20, in case you weren't catching on)

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: Spectre

A James Bond film that's such a by-the-numbers parody of itself, that it can't be spoiled, but if you're sensitive about spoilers, maybe don't read this yet.


 Spectre is about an incompetent assassin who can't operate a vehicle for five minutes, or shoot a few people without completely demolishing everything. An absolute jokester that can't even play around with a mouse without pointing his gun at it and tearing the place down. A film with the message "spying is still cool!" that has absolutely no spying.

Featuring a villian who, guess what, was behind the whole Daniel Craig saga, starting from his character's adoption. Someone so dastardly, despite only getting about 20 minutes of screen time. Just enough time to give two small speeches, perform sinus and brain surgery to zero effect, get blown up by a watch, then have his helicopter shot down with a pistol. A final boss defeated in two hits.

At least they brought back Oddjob. I mean Jaws. I mean Bane?

Spectre is Daniel Craigs 'Tomorrow Never Dies', and probably the most disappointed I've been with a sequel since Terminator 3.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: Life Is Strange


A five episode adventure epic released throughout the span of nine months, about a young woman who breaks space and time to... save a small town from a tornado.

Pirate it, and you'll still feel ripped off.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: Blood Bowl 2

The game's awesome. Smashing weak humies and scaven has never felt so satisfying. Plus, now we have online league play and Cabal TV. And of course, my niggas Jim Johnson and Bob Bifford are back with fresh commentary.


I'm not one to normally appeal to authority when it comes to an argument, but this is a review, and I'm probably one of the highest authorities there are in the Blood Bowl gaming franchise. In the last five years, Risexual and I have easily accumulated at least 6000 hours of game time throughout Blood Bowl Legendary & Chaos Edition. Over those years, we pretty much lived and breathed the game, molding our senses of humor around what's basically one big inside joke based around Blood Bowl lore; we pretty much wrote the book on every strategy for every team, and we have never lost a single online match to an honest player. So, do yourself a favour by avoiding what one of the most uninformed and entitled communities in gaming have to say, and buy yourself a copy of this sports masterpiece, because I fucking told you to do it.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: LEGO Jurassic World

Honestly isn't even that good for a Lego game. I enjoyed the Jurassic Park 1 episode due to nostalgia, despite there being almost no enemies to fight the entire time. The episodes following it have enemies, though 99% of the time you'll be fighting compys or some variant of them.

I feel the Lego games have become too heavy-handed with the "puzzles," having to literally stop every seven seconds to use a character-specific ability, bust some blocks up, and/or build something ad nauseum to complete a level that is otherwise two minutes long.

Anyway, I made my way to the Jurassic World episode and was having a decent time, as it was apparent more effort went into the levels specifically surrounding the new movie, but somewhere near the end of the game, while fighting the Indominus Rex, this happened:


The level bugged out, literally causing the boss to start fucking me in the ass as the game softlocked, forcing me to restart the level. There were no checkpoints. I was expected to go through the four minutes of puzzle-padding to fight the QTE boss again. At this point, I was sleep deprived, and had taken exactly too much shit from this insufferably mediocre game, so I quit, ejected the disk, had a nap, then returned it.

Perhaps you might have seen my review of Ryse, where I said that one glaring problem negates the quality of the overall product? I'll admit I'm treading into the territory of a personal pet peeve, but when a game breaks right at the end, it pisses me off to no end. Fuck this game.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: Mortal Kombat X

Damn I suck at Mortal Kombat...


Uh! I mean, screw this clunky DLC-fest! Game crashed on me three times in the main menu before I could even get a match going. And kwick time events? Press X to buy Goro.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Quick & Painless Labels: Birdman

It was The Breakfast Club, except they're trapped inside of a theatre.

But I don't regret watching it.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: American Sniper

The movie has the word 'sniper' in the title, so I went in thinking I was going to watch a sniper movie.


Chris Kyle killed a lot of scum, but it wasn't necessarily as a sniper. He hardscopes like eight guys in the entire movie, and spends the rest being your usual door kicking cowboy. I didn't know he was murdered, so that felt terrible at the end.

Movie's alright. Take a shot every time you see the Punisher insignia.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Quick & Painless Reviews: Ryse 2: Halo MCC Boogaloo


36 hours to fully install and patch, but I had to get in on those Halo 2 Anniversary graphics and cinematics. I remember it taking maybe 10-12 hours to go through Halo 2 as a kid, but with cinematics included, it only took 4 1/2 hours this time around. I went through Halo CE Anniversary as well just to feel like I hadn't completely wasted my time, and that only took 3 1/2 hours.

fuck off / 10

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Quick & Painless Reviews: AVGN: The Movie

So it's been how long? Eight years...? Forever? But after what was starting to become Duke Nukem Forever levels of development, it has finally come out.


He's going to take you back to the past, though not necessarily to play shitty games that suck ass. What we get is a feature film which presents itself with a barrage of charming 80's b-flick cheese, and UHF style homages to popular films and games, plus more cameos than almost any one person can count in their first watch. Underneath it all we have a semi-serious political commentary about modern game marketing peddling shit, with an almost entire cast of super dynamic and forever memorable characters.

Strangely out of place is the second lead in the film, Jeremy Suarez, who is the only character who doesn't completely get the chance to 'fit' into the film's universe, almost as if his inclusion was an afterthought, or maybe written for another actor. Some of the passion behind the experience does also get lost as well after such a long, tiring wait, but I don't mean that in a way that belittles the immense amount of work that went into it while also producing dozens of episodes for various web series.

The big thing you're probably wondering is, "Does he finally do an actual review for ET in the movie?" The answer is yes, and the review is so surprising and unique from all of the others, that it's worth the wait of the film's production and duration to experience.

I'd give it more than 7 stages out of 10, but the stupid game won't let me go past that point.




FULL DISCLOSURE: I was, at one time, in a romantic relationship with James Rolfe, who is both the creator of the film and the lead actor, so my opinion on the movie might be biased.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Quick & Painless Reviews: Victory Buffet (Sarnia, Ontario)

From the ashes of Panda Gardens, and Oyami, rises Victory Buffet, which once again brings us a mix of Asian and American cuisine. IndridCold and I went in expecting another disappointing rehash of the last two restaurants, and that's not quite what we got. The menu is eerily similar to Oyami. Some of the dishes are almost identical, which implies that they rehired some of the former kitchen staff. However, the quality of the cooking has improved substantially.

My overall impression is satisfaction, but with a side of caution. I wasn't present for the opening of Oyami, but when Panda Gardens initially opened, they also brought in professional staff to prepare for them, only for them to drop their standards after a month. If a $22 dinner seems good to you, I'd suggest that you try them sooner than later, just in case, and I hope Victory Buffet my best wishes in maintaining good business, and good quality.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Review: Hidden Talents' Les Miserables

Recently I stumbled into an old friend from High School, on one of my drinking adventures. Long story short, he had came back to Sarnia from Toronto for personal reasons about a year ago. In the past month, he was in this musical production of Les Miserables. For the reason why this part has any reverences to my review: Eleven years ago I had seen almost the exact same play. Same director: Carrie Beauchamp, same theatre: Imperial Theatre, and almost the same cast. The stage setup, the props they used, the script, and songs were all the same. Even my friend, Adam, was also in it eleven years ago with his minor role. This time around he had the role of Marius. The true difference this time around is that, eleven years ago Hidden Talents' cast of Les Miserables were no older than 19! So, there I was finding all this out and, feeling obligated to go see this, because of the obvious reasons.

For some of you who don't know what Les Miserable is about: The story starts off with an ex-convict, Jean Valjean, who was imprisoned for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread. This takes place wayyy back in the days of the french revolution. Breaking his parole, Valjean escapes to start a new life. In his efforts of redemption, Valjean agrees to care for a young girl named, Cosette, for her late mother, Fantine. As Father and daughter, Valjean and Cosette live a quiet life together. Well, almost, Valjean is being ruthlessly tracked by Inspector Javert over the years since Valjean escapes his parole. And the rest is an epic story that unfolds.

(And yes, this is a novel by Victor Hugo, also a movie that was recently made in the passed year or two. Let alone a musical production from Broadway.)

The cast line up they had this time around was amazing in the musical and on the karaoke stage at my local bar of Lizards. I already knew that Adam could sing for, I have seen him in S.C.I.T.'s production of Little Shop of Horrors as the lead of Seymore. Let alone other school musicals and some songs he sang in the band called Canteen back in high school. The lead role of Les Miserables, Valjean, was portrayed by Andrew Colboure. I have no prior information on him but my goodness, the man can sing! For what I did read on Andrew, this is his dream role and also that, he is artistic director for Dance Academy. With all that being said, he is also directing the upcoming musical of Catch me, If You Can in the month of October this year. I am certainly going to go see that. Other amazing voices of Les Miserables are a music teacher, Jen Brown Nead (Fantine), Newly HS graduate, Garbrielle Drapeau (Eponine) and Jayime Cowen (Young Cosette) just to name a few of my favourites of this musical. Other people that I know in this musical are Joe Bainbridge, a fellow drama classmate of mine and Linda Morin, Ryan of the LBC's girlfriend. *It's a small world after all!*

The other amazing part of the musical was the orchestra playing all the music and, the crew who ran the sets, lights, props, and whatever else so smoothly. I don't know anyone personally or any works prior to Les Miserables but hopefully, they'll all get together for another musical, if not Les Miserables years down the road.

As the seats were filling up in the audience, I was lucky enough to have both seats beside me empty. Even though when I picked my seat, Row E 29, both seats beside were already booked, in reason why I went alone. However, I was content that the seats were empty anyways. The red curtains open... and the opening scene was prisoners in the aisles of the audience, pulling on a rope to a huge ship on stage, singing the prolonge of, "Look down, look down, don't look them in the eyes.." while getting whipped by the prison guards. I started getting goosebumps as I was having an odd feeling of DejaVu watching this. The opening scene is also where I discovered Joe Bainbridge was in this musical, as I'm thinking to myself, "Is that Joe? My goodness... it's Joe!" Essentially, I got goosebumps every time my favourites started singing like, Andrew, Adam, Garbrielle.. and the whole musical was certainly a case of DejaVu in a good way. I personally think that the whole thing was better than it was eleven years ago.

After the musical was done, a huge crowd and I were chatting and waiting in the lobby for the cast to slowly appear. Joe and I were talking at one point, catching up and all the jazz. Until Adam and I caught each others glances as we were looking over the shoulders of the people we were chatting with. When we finally made it to each other, we hugged, and chatted a bit on how the musical was amazing and then I got him to sign my ticket. On my way home, the only thing I could listen to from my MP3 player to match Les MIserables was Nightwish. Of course, Les Miserables had an orchestra and Nightwish is metal but both equally epic in regards of vocals. I was also thinking that going to see this was worth penny I spend on my ticket.




Friday, May 9, 2014

Quick & Painless Reviews: Kenny vs. Spenny vs. Canada 2014

Pretty much the best part of the show

Venue: St. Clair College Capitol Theatre, Chatam, Ontario

$61.00 to see them on stage for eighty minutes if you don't include the intermission, half of which was them showing off bonus footage that's already available on the DVDs. Their banter was the usual rehashed schtick you'd experience in their various interviews and episode commentaries. Things were a little more interesting when there was crowd interaction with fan humiliations and heckling, but it was soon made clear that talking during their show was not allowed when people were threatened to be kicked out (not jokingly). I paid $20 for a pre-signed 8x10 because the venue didn't mention there were VIP passes that I had to buy to actually meet the duo, not that I'd expect it to be required. Penn & Teller stayed to take photos with everyone at Caesar's Windsor in 2012 (it was $50 for similar seats as well), that only being one example of many shows I've been to. At least I got to meet and talk with Bobby Patton while he was working at the merch booth before the show. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that I was literally jewed by a couple of Jews... I don't know. I don't want to write about it any more at this point; I'm a little crushed by the disappointment.

Never meet your heroes / 10



 Thanks Bobby

Friday, March 21, 2014

Quick & Painless Reviews: Payday 2

STEAM FREE WEEKEND EDITION!

I heard this game was off to a rocky start upon release, and that the developers put it out unfinished, which turned me away from buying it despite loving the first game. Fortunately, I was able to try over the weekend for free. THANKS GABE.

 Uguu~~ I actually put on this mask as a subtle homage to The Birthday Massacre which no one noticed

 I imagine whatever was left out of the initial release was patched to hell and back, as it's now similar to how I remember the last game being. When you haven't played in like a year and a half like me, or not at all, it can be a bit of a confusing start. Some things aren't fully explained, even in the tutorial, leaving you to learn the hard way through trail-and-error alongside other Free Weekend shitters and angry tryhard veterans.

The music volume by default is cranked way too high, so even though the game tries to walk you through your missions, you'll probably not hear what you're suppose to do. Payday 2 seems to hate microphone users, as the max microphone volume is still way too low, so while you fumble around failing the heist, you won't be getting much audible feedback from your team apart than the fact that they sound like they're getting really pissed off.  It's just a good idea to turn your music and sfx volumes down to about half if you want to hear anyone, especially since the music isn't as good this time around anyway besides one track (I don't know what it's called).

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Quick & Painless Reviews: Ryse: Son of Rome

Six hours and ten minutes.


That is how long it took this game to install to a state where I was able to access the single player campaign. There is a point where one glaring problem negates the quality of the overall product. I don't care about the game's flashy visuals and repetitive combat anymore; the game is broken due to install time alone.

But who gets the shit review for it? The game itself, or the Xbox One? This seems to be an issue with most Xbox One games after all. However, I don't feel it's necessary to install 47GB of uncompressed data into your console's hard drive. I don't think console owners should need to clean up their hard drive after installing nine or ten games, then having to subject themselves to hours of installation again when they want to replay those games. The developer of these games shouldn't consider this okay, and so, even though the Xbox One is a garbage console in its current state, Ryse is still a broken game for playing along with it.

I know what some people are thinking: "It didn't take me that long." From the anecdotes I've seen on various message boards, the lowest install time for Ryse was 57 minutes. The highest I've seen someone give a number to was around nine hours.

9 hours isn't okay.
6 hours and 10 minutes isn't okay.
57 minutes still isn't okay.

1/10 isn't okay.





EDIT: 5 hours and 5 minutes to complete single player.