Pit Episode 10 : Blood, Sweat and Fears

Blood, lots of blood.

There are other things too, I am sure, black chunks that look disturbingly like spoiled jam, bits of shattered bone, and what I can only assume is marrow. But the blood, the blood is that substance that tells us, even if it isn’t our own, that something bad is going down. That nearby some horror is occurring, and one should get out of the situation as quickly as possible. 

Screaming, so much screaming. 

The stone may be sharp, but it is wielded in an inexperienced hand, the cuts miss their mark as much as hit, and more than once, a stout piece of tendon or muscle makes the procedure much more traumatic than it needs to be. 

But all said and done, one could say the operation is a success. As much of a success as any operation done by someone who knows nothing of medicine could be. 

Master of Puppets Beta

Master of Puppets is a multiplayer mod for Doom 2 (Skulltag port). I've recently been playing version 0.5 of the beta. It's pretty popular on Skulltag right now, and I don't know why. This is what its team thought was a good idea:

Let's make a mod that pits players against other players who can possess the monster sprites, except

• They can possess any monster
• There's no respawn counter in between monster deaths, or anything really limiting the 'puppet master' players from jumping between cyberdemons instantly
• They're more mobile than the monster AI-- faster and seemingly no pain chance so their attacks can't be interrupted
• They have infinite ammo

Here's me standing by a doorway for two minutes while a couple guys playing as Barons of Hell spammed fireballs around the corner. No strategy; no fun. 'Still a lot of work to be done, guys.

Our Audience

I'm so proud of you guys.

War Horse OR The Horse That Stopped The Plot

War Horse: A Full and Unedited Review

I want to clear something up, right off the bat here. This is not a situation of “ If you didn’t want to see a movie about a killer pineapple, why did you get it?” ( to quote The Gingerdead man 2.) I knew what to expect from this movie. I knew that it was going to be a Horse movie, and hell I don’t mind animal films, a little tired of a premise, which is why I usually avoid them, but this promised to be the guy’s animal film. Something that combined the majesty of a horse, with the action of Saving Private Ryan.

But no, actually, fuck no, I am breaking the fuck barrier already. This movie should have been simple for Speilbergo to just piss money at and make a good film, Guys+war+horses, nothing epic, nothing groundbreaking, but a really good premise.

The first thing I want to note, is that I along with the others that watched it, were not looking to Riff the film, going into it thinking it would suck. And in fact this is how I first got the sinking feeling that it was going to suck.

The movie starts and the first thing your introduced to is some very bad accents. To the point where it feels more like the characters are in the friggen shire than any place on earth. And this isn’t helped by the lack of effort into the locations, everything seems a bit too big for the characters, whether this was bad camerawork, or something intentional, I don’t know. But right off the bad my initial reaction was hobbit jokes.

But hey, it’s a war movie right? We have to have reasons to like the characters , and care when they get some part shot off, so the sinking feeling wasn’t quite entrenched.

Then comes the horse, or rather horses in question. One of the many ways you could describe this movie is a horse buddy comedy. Don’t worry though I have others.

Anyway, getting back to the horses. You know what made movies like Milo and Otis, Homeward Bound, Spirit, Black Beauty, Old Yeller, among many others? The fact that you liked the animals. The people making the film took steps to ensure that the animals seemed friendly ( with the obvious exception of the end of old yeller.) , or funny, with war horse, this just didn’t seem the case.

We don’t see much of the horse being a cute lil horse, in fact when the plot actually gets its morning coffee into it, we are already in the shire. And the horse just seems, odd. Don’t know how to exactly explain it. For one, you can tell the wranglers were told to make this horse unique , which they chose to do through giving it kind of, cat esque mannerisms. Having it rub up against people a lot, and generally act kind of cat like. This just didn’t come off right to me, much like the curse in D and D in which one’s horse becomes a carnivore, the juxtaposition of a herbivore, with a carnivore’s tendencies just seems… offputting , to put it mildly.

Then they try and make the horse seem willful, but really it just makes the horse come off as an asshole. Why? You may ask. Well , the issue is that they try and make this horse like the animals from Homeward Bound, or Milo and Otis, by making it appear smarter than your standard animal. Combine it with the horse refusing to do things, and you just have a dislike of the horse right off of the bat.

The secondary horse is a bit better, and for my money, it seemed annoyed by the first. But that may just be me projecting at this point.

So after things chill out in the shire, we get our first whiff of the plot. A war started, and apparently every fucking person in Ireland knows this horse is the only way to win. The original owner of the horse gets shafted on the price, and you notice one of the first things of the movie that gets under the skin of a film fan. The sheer fucking amount of subplots.

I could wait till the end, but here is a good place to point it out. Get used to the 20 minutes of one person , then jumping to the next. This horse, it is an attention whore, it doesn’t care if it is the good guys, the bad guys, or anyone in between, it just wants to get as many subplots into its life as possible. It knows it is the best horse in the shire, and wants to advertise this fact.

This is about the point, that I , in still trying to like this movie made the guess that “ The plot is on its way.” Surely we were over the introduction stage of every war movie, and we would soon see this horse stomping German corpses in no time.

Fuck, No.

This Is the point where it starts to feel like the movie is fucking with you. There are no less than three scenes , in which you think a battle is going to occur, but they pan back, and it is a training exercise, or just looked like a battle. It is as if the director is dangling the possibilities of this movie in front of you, then yanking them away at the last second, and laughing.

After a period of time that is both too long, and not long enough to give a shit about what is going on, we actually get a battle. Seriously, a real battle. Well, maybe that is being a bit too generous.

We get swords that look like they were straight out of a high school metal shop, slashing deaths that are straight out of a old, BAD , kung fu flick, and the cinematic equivalent of premature ejaculation when you realize that the battle is going to be short lived.

They charge in on horses, slash at some folks, then reality makes a harsh appearance, as the camp full of gents with guns realize that it is just blokes on horses with shit swords coming after them.

This is one of the biggest thorns in my ass about this movie. 99% of the time , realism is spat upon in favor of plot. The only times it seems to come up is when it would save money for an action scene. Then there is the fact that, when you think about it for a moment, our brave hero’s first act, is to pearl harbor a group of soldiers, with blunt slashing weapons. Not only making them dishonorable, but dumb as fuck to boot.

So now the horse is a german horse. Same shit, different country, I guess the horse was just glad to be out of the shire.

We see a couple of people, or rather hear, as it is behind a windmill shot, and the horse is now a French horse. Again, I could go into the nuances of this change, how the characters were dim and uninteresting, how the evil german seemed more like a slightly bad german. But what is the point. This is the point in the movie where you realize it is just going to keep doing this. Switch to a different group of people and show how much they dig this horse.

And there is nothing special about the horse, other than its offputting body language, and kind of dickish attitude. ( I seem to be ignoring the second horse, but I have seldom seen such a useless character. Essentially it is a non speaking straight man to the first horse.) If I were to hazard a guess, this horse simply has terrible luck and keeps running across Equinophiles, but I guess I will have to wait for the directors cut to confirm my suspicions.

So there is another half dozen subplots, and this is the point where you start to realize , this movie is shit. It is an hour and 20 minutes in, there has been one battle, worth about 4 minutes, and 1 hour 16 minutes of subplots. Even if the rest of the movie, which is still an hour and ten minutes is pure gold, its still going to suck.

After you choke down another subplot or two you nearly shit your pants as they return to one, out of the blue, sans fucking horse.

Your thrust into a world war 1 battle, a real, for the love of chirst battle. Sure the movie only has about 50 minutes left to go, but this is what you want to see. Guys are getting shot, blokes are getting caught up in barbed wire, bombs go off, mustard gas is hanging out like a more pleasant version of the smell, and what your feeling isn’t so much surprize, as relief, holy fuck its actually a war movie. You know, like the title would imply.

So now, you kind of shrug off your previous bitterness, and if you’re a real film buff you might even find yourself thinking “ You know, the juxtaposition of the shire life with the battles, is actually a pretty good idea.”. But then you find yourself thinking , almost against your own will, like a kid saying “Bloody Mary” 3 times into a mirror, “ But where is the horse?”.

As the battle goes on for what seems like forever in comparison to the other battles ( one thing I will say the movie was great at is manipulating your sense of time, but this isn’t exactly a compliment.) this question keeps nagging at you. Sure it is cool to finally get some action, but shouldn’t we be getting some horse flavored action? Isn’t that the entire point of this fucking piece of shit? And even though you are seeing the first good part of the film, you get pissed off, where is my guy shooting a-holes from horseback, where is my soldier leaping bomb explosions on his equine companion?

Then the battle ends, we are still in a battle, for lack of a better term, but things quiet down.

And the horse, or rather the horses make an appearance. But you know what they are not doing, kicking any kind of ass , or helping in the kicking of ass. As both Trevor and Tina pointed out, Run Horse Run, is a very apt description, we get to see the horse dodge, duck, and that is about it. Fuck, replace the bombs with fences, and this is just the same horse shit we have seen in every other fucking horse movie.

Time for a bit of a sidetrack.

There is a scene I neglected to mention when the horse is a French horse. In which the horse either can’t, or won’t jump over a 1 foot barrier for a little girl. After watching it leap around like a parkour practitioner , again, you feel this horse is just an asshole.

The good horse I don’t talk about much dies, I think, it wasn’t quite clear. And then comes the big fucking scene , that was ripped straight out of The Dog Who Stopped The War.

The shit horse gets stuck in some barbed wire. In any other animal movie, even if I wasn’t digging it, I would want to see the horse saved. But not this fuckin horse, nothing it has done to date in the movie has endeared it to me.

So both sides decide to stop firing, and send the two most obsessed with this horse members out to save this horse. This is a long drawn out scene, that is reminiscent of every defusing the bomb scene ever, with the exception of the fact that it has no tension. It is even stated that the horse is not going to die from the wounds, but rather if it is done improperly, the horse will simply be hurt. For my money, I think jigsaw’s grandfather set up this trap.

After this drags right the fuck on, the two soldiers, one german, one from the shire. Get into a bit of an argument about who gets to keep the horse. At one point one mentions a bare knuckle boxing match in the middle of the battlefield to decide this.

My heart leapt, fuck that is a cool idea. These two soldiers in the middle of a cease fire, in a blood and corpse soaked battlefield, duking it out, no gloves for this god damn equine magguffin. May not make the movie a classic , but would have bumped it up from a 2.5 to a 4.5. If you think anything like me, you now are on the edge of your seat, maybe the movie won’t be worth it, but at least it will have one really cool scene.

No, fuck that. Apperantly in the god damn shire , bare knuckle boxing is not fair play. ( fucking ironic considering that all shire jokes aside, where they are in the film is known for bare knuckle boxing.) And instead of having a sweet fistfight in a battle field, Asshole and Der Asshole, decide to play rock paper scissors. Asshole wins, subplot over.

The end of this movie ( which really should have been a shot of Asshole after the fistfight.) really cements in its absurdity. Everyone on the fucking planet wants this horse, there is a bidding war, more cementing in just how much everyone would kill and rape their own grandmother for this horse. The end, but you know dragged out for another half hour.

This movie had so much premise, pretty much a guaranteed success if done right. But it simply wasn’t. Any movie that is 2.5 hours long , yet somehow has too many sub plots, is just a catastrophy of film making. And a good example of how much Spielburg is getting by on just being speilburg. Make it shiney, pimp it out, rake in the profits.

War Horse, a 2012 Oscar Nominee

The trailers and the title really tricked me this time. The movie should have been called something like "War, Horse." I can understand the film takes place during a period of war, but you hardly see any of it, and the horse had little to do with it. Even the strongest theme implies horses no longer belonged in war. Really, "See Joey Run" would have been the better title. I don't mind seeing a cheesy horse-love flick, just don't tack on a war if the actual war part is basically a big comedy routine.

Even at the price of $0.00, it felt like a generous 3/10 that I wish I didn't sit down with the guys and watch. I don't even think I want to get it for my mom now like I was planning, and she freaking loves horses.

Again, I apologize for not writing a real review, but for stuff this shitty it's difficult to put it into a thousand words. Just don't see it if you were expecting a film that focuses on horses' roles in war. Maybe Risexual can do it justice with one of his long tangents if he feels like contributing his opinion

Warhorse Review.

Run, Horse, Run! -BORING.

Its all Risexual's fault.

P.I.T. Episode 9

REPORT ON THE DISAPEARANCE OF MAXWELL PON A.K.A. DARKSIDE , MOSQUITO

BACKGROUND: This report is to further look into the disappearance of E.J.A ( Extra Judicial Agent) Maxwell Pon, A.K.A. Darkside, Mosquito.

This agent feels that some background information in regards to the life of Maxwell ( hereafter referred to as Darkside, Mosquito, or Max, dependant upon identity at the time.) , is appropriate to give some insight into a situation that has , up until this point gone fairly unnoticed.

As most know Max was the son of Rae Pon, and Terak unit #x367. Though not the first incident of cross species breeding , Max was one of the first, and in the opinion of many one of the “successful” progeny created between Terak and human. (As we are all familiar with Simon Deacon, A.K.A Gravedigger, I do not believe a discussion of failed progeny is necessary.)

Much focus is placed on Max’s father, but in the opinion of this agent, Rae Pon , A.K.A Samurae’s genetics should not be discounted in regards to the ability, personality, or life of Max.

It has been theorized that above and beyond being in E.J.A category 2 (For all those who choose not to keep up on internal memoranda, the most recent definition of this level is between 150 and 225 % of average human strength, with no obvious abilities beyond that of a standard human.) Rae also possessed some form of minor shape shifting. This point of view is strengthened when one realizes that Rae was born in the state of Hawaii , to Hawaiian parents, yet all phenotypic traits displayed are that of the Japanese. It has been argued that her choice of identity has influenced this, but the facts remain from a phenotypic standpoint, despite having no Japanese heritage, Rae has and continues to display phenotypic traits of the Japanese.

Unit x367, was a typical Terak, stranded after the Terak war, and like many of his kind, chose to make a life on earth, and engage in the activities of an E.J.A. His physical stature was approximately 7 feet, ( again, due to the age of the Terak war, and the ensuing purges of the Terak, some reading this may very well need a refresher on the physical characteristics of the Terak. In short, as I do not feel the need to re write the copious volumes on the Terak, remember their bodies are comprised mainly of absorbed creatures, mainly these will be the Krent, the creatures the Terak have traditionally chosen to parasitize. Reason being, the Krent’s abundance of chitin. ), and the distinguishing deviation ( term for the absorbed parts in regards to Terakian anatomy. ) for unit x367 was two large, prehensile chitinous appendages, commonly used by x367 in combat for both stabbing, and grappling.

Max’s childhood was an eclectic mix of Terak and Japanese warrior culture. (As it seems I am the only one who keeps up on Terak culture, I will note , for the ease of the reviewing agents, that it consists mainly of a predisposition to polarization. Neither good nor evil is frowned upon, moderation, can be said to be the ‘evil’ of Terak culture.) And unlike most Terak hybrids, Max was found to retain the Terak ability to absorb other multi cellular creatures. Though to a much lesser extent. (this will be further explained later in the report.)

This lead to an interesting situation, in which unit x367 actually stole a Krent from the Chicago laboratory, in order to further keep Max ingrained in the Terak culture. So much so, that Max is the only known hybrid to have successfully (If not to as great of an extent as a true Terak.) completed the Ka’methar (It can be thought of as the Bar-mitzvah of Terak culture, in which a Terak first absorbs a Krent.).

His absorption of the krent manifested in his right arm becoming a highly chitenous , secondary ingestion orifice. Beyond allowing him to consume and absorb some of the traits of a multi cellular creature, it had shown itself to be effective in both offensive and defensive combat. And seemingly at will Max had the ability to use it as a functional appendage , or ingestion orifice , via a quick re arranging of the bones and organs contained in the arm. Though this process seemed very unpleasant for Max.

As we all remember from a few decades ago Max became an E.J.A at a young age, taking the name Mosquito, and garbing himself in a red themed ensemble , generally acting as a companion or “sidekick” to older E.J.A’s. Though after his second year of this, he joined the group “Schoolyard”, consisting mainly of younger E.J.A’s.

Having a rather charismatic personality, coupled with the slightness of his transformation ( at this time, the only manifestation was that of a small sharp proboscis on the right arm, full transformation did not take place until much later.) made him somewhat of a fad. And I am sure no one will disagree with this, as anyone reading this, more than likely has boxes of Mosquito toys, comic books, etc. From their own children.

Unfortunately for Max, with the onset of puberty came the onset of more Terakian physical and personality traits. He became highly territorial, confrontational, and in the opinion of this agent, insane. The appearance of his now well known right arm, did nothing to help this, and due to image concerns he was ejected from “ Schoolyard”.

After the ejection, Maxwell had chosen the identity Darkside, consisting of a rather unimpressive mix of thrift store clothing, covered by a rather large trenchcoat, to partially hide the Terak right arm. He attempted to continue work in new York, but he found himself in consistent conflict with other E.J.A. , as he became increasingly more feral and territorial.

At this point I would like to give an opinion. And that is that his upbringing is the only thing that stopped a transition from E.J.A to criminal.

After several large scale incidents that almost caused his E.J.A. status to be revoked, Darkside then moved to Michigan, and took domain over a small town, Archibald. It is worth noting that he developed an unhealthy obsession with a local religious figure “Brother sid” and to a greater extent his sister “ Marie Sidel”. Though that is a situation that would require its own report.

While not impressive, during this time, it can be said that Darkside was a benefit to society. His encounters with empowered criminals were scarce, but he made himself useful in destroying “regular” crime. Though in a manner that pushed the boundaries of the Toronto Accord quite a bit. And after 5 years managed to completely eradicate a methamphetamine epidemic that was plaguing the town.

Unfortunately , due to his territorial nature, Darkside was brought into conflict with E.J.A’s Gattling ( A.K.A. Hank Green.) and Morose ( A.K.A Eric McGuiness.). Both Gattling and Morose were attempting the capture of E.C. Mesmer, who had , at this time, managed to gain control of a large number of civilians and was fleeing, as to Mesmer’s plan, little is known. But it has been theorized, that he was attempting to cause this very conflict. In the opinion of this agent that is not a likely scenario.

During the start of the encounter between Gattling, Morose, and Mesmer, Mesmer set the bus full of civilians to collide with a city bus. This I do believe was intentional to bring Darkside into the fray, Mesmer being a rather fine tactician ( despite his moral failings) would have seen this chance to cause havoc , and possibly escape, in this agent’s opinion of course.

Little is known for sure about the next series of events, pieces put together from the reports of both Gattling and Morose , and some eye witness accounts, but either Darkside purposely crashed the bus Mesmer set in motion ( if one is to believe Gattling and Morose.) , or chose to save the bus full of people from Archibald with little concern for the other bus. ( if one is to believe the eye witnesses.)

Something about this infuriated Gattling, ( from a personal interview, it was the fact that the bus Mesmer had set in motion, had 3 times the people of the other bus. Personally, I would blame Gattling’s personality just as much as any errors on Darkside’s part.) , causing him to fire upon Darkside (For anyone new, Hank posses the ability to mitigate vibrations. Leading to, among other things, his ability to fire any weapon at any rate of fire, while maintining almost pinpoint accuracy at the effective range. Unfortunately , as we will see, Hank is no longer a field agent due to injuries sustained during this encounter.).

A battle ensued, in which Darkside, to his credit, attempted to fight in a non lethal fashion, and even escape at one point. But the combination of Gattling, and Morose ( For those unfamiliar with Eric, he can convert his physical pain into mental stress and project this to an enemy. Creating effects ranging from rage to cowering in fear.) escape was not possible.

A burst from gattling caused an explosion at a nearby gas station, killing 2 people and injuring 8 more. This caused darkside to attack gattling with more fervor, eventually subduing him, and despite the best efforts of Morose, darkside proceeded to break all Gattling’s limbs in such a way that all bones in his body with the exception of the skull and collar bone were riddled with spiral fractures. These wounds never healed ( and even our best medics say, never could have healed.) properly, leaving Gattling with twisted, semi functional limbs. Due to this injury, Gattling now works as an instructor, as walking, let alone firing a weapon in combat is no longer possible.

This incident, caused us to send out an E.J.A. Judicial committee to review Darkside’s actions, this caused Darkside to go underground, and while we indeed could and did track him. It was thought better to let sleeping dogs lie, versus take a chance of another incident causing the death of civilians.

After approximately 6 months though, Darkside dropped off our radar’s. And no venue of attempting to find him, normal, psychic, or otherwise, has yielded any results.

SUGGESTED ACTIONS: Some may think this is simply the disappearance of a second rate E.J.A who caused conflict , it is the opinion of this agent that there is more to this issue than meets the eye. How did he manage to suddenly give our organization the slip? Who could have possibly helped him? And how did a person who has a biological imperative ( as opposed to just a morality, which we know can be changed and manipulated.) to commit good acts, simply ignore this for so long?

These are all questions that we need to ask ourselves in regards to this disappearance.

CONCLUSION: It is the opinion of this agent that further research into the location, and circumstances surrounding the disappearance of Darkside, be done. Not only is it disconcerting to think of an E.J.A of that level of power running unwatched, ( despite claims to the contrary, this agent feels that Darkside only seemed somewhat underpowered due to his circumstances. ) but to think that there is an organization that has the ability to hide someone well enough that we cannot find them, is a thought that nearly demands further attention.

Hello, Hello, Remember me?

This is my second drawing of the year in my new sketch book. I think that this is pretty awesome that, I don't think I have to tell you who it is. I'm not saying she is that famous.. but if you know her blah, blah, blah... 

Anyhow, I only drew this for a friend. And, uh, yeah, I'm just giving it away.  


Btw, Coopersville... I meant shading with pencils, or pens. Not in Photoshop. 

Vigil: The Heart Collector

Hey, this has shading.

Slightly different from the DeviantArt version. Maybe some would prefer not having the heart distract from the rest of the breast area. Uncoloured image is here.

Doodle me this!

Recently, I brought a new sketch book, and this is the first huge doodle in it.  Its also the first drawing/doodle of the year. Blah, blah, blahhh.. Its kind of dark and organic... blah, blah, blah... Enjoy! 


And, Yes.. unlike Mr. Coopersville, I am a shading fiend.